One Afternoon's Musings...

No, you can't.  That was an answer I wanted to give to this unfortunate question that came my way this afternoon:

"Hi! Can I ask you about your hair?"

Background

I've been going non stop since about 5:30am this morning: email, phone calls, drove to 2 different places and walked a few miles around Chicago's Loop in the pursuit of a multitude of complex errands/projects.  Like many of you, I've a lot on my mind these days and everything feels like a race against time.

So, there I was on State Street making a mad dash towards a government office where I had to fill out the same form for the third time.  It was around 3:30ish, the office closes at 5 and I was meditating on pleasant thoughts so I could wrap this thing up for once and for all.  I was a bit very anxious.

It was at that very moment when that question I mentioned above was delivered unto me.  I smiled, thanked the woman and declined politely.

That question makes my hair stand on end - pun intended.

I've heard that question before -- either directed to me, to people I'm with or other passersby on the street.  I'm always amazed that people think it's a good question and that they coach their staff to ask it.  Here's why:

• It puts people in a defensive posture particularly as it's hurled at them out of the blue.
• For some, hair is sacred.  To ask about something sacred in the middle of the street seems...  unholy.
• It makes people (more) insecure about their looks... especially if they're just starting to recover from a bad cut, for example.
• It just might be a wig.
• Maybe how it looks is by design.
• It's a negative opener.
• And so on...

It kind of reminds me of Seinfeld's close talker episode.

What's your natural instinct when someone invades your personal space?  You tend to step back or find a way to regain some breathing room.  That's exactly the posture I adopt when I hear that question about hair or anything that intrusively direct -- especially when it's so random and out of the blue.  

Like the anecdote in this post, typical pushy sales-y vendor behavior like this that make customers and prospects head for the hills.  It's out of context and, worse, they're not properly asking for permission.  The "Can I..." isn't a request so much as it's better than saying "I'm going to.,."

Ask for permission.  Make people feel okay.

It's your mission as a business person to make people feel okay with the decisions they make as they work with you.  I've said many a time that our "gut" drives our decision making with the mind rationalizing what we decide.  Our job is to attract them to us and not to repel them.  

If we, without permission, approach prospects with an opener that makes them insecure or "not okay" like this hair question, it's difficult to engage with them meaningfully.  Our mission as product/service providers is to look less like a pesky vendor and more like a critical business advisor.  

Let's think about customers or prospects -- have there been times where we've made them feel "not okay" as we've interacted with them?  Are there ways that we could be doing better?  Please share your thoughts and, if you've liked reading this post, please share with others.

Parissa Behnia

Idea Chef

678Partners@gmail.com
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Margaret Thatcher's Heart

"To wear your heart on your sleeve isn't a very good plan; you should wear it inside, where it functions best." 

Margaret Thatcher

I wish I could remember whom it was that tweeted that Margaret Thatcher quote. I should have "favorited" (thank you Twitter for turning that into a verb) instead of copying it but whomever you are, thanks for the inspiration for today's post.

There have been more conversations these days about authenticity than I can count. So, I don't want to write about that. And I don't think you want me to write about it either, for that matter.

What is our true north?

I don't quite know the context in which Margaret Thatcher said those words but I'd like to share with you how it is I am interpreting them. She is talking about our essence, our raison d'etre and our internal compasses. And, it's also a comment on how we are focusing too much on the outside without checking in on the inside.

We're hearing a lot these days that we should be engaging directly with customers as much as possible. We hear that we should be talking to them directly, listening to their feedback and acknowledging their support of us. We hear that if we are to do this regularly, then we will improve the relationships but then also improve "word of mouth" as these same customers become our ambassadors of goodwill.

We're told to wear our hearts on our sleeves...

Because it makes good business sense to do so. And I don't disagree. The problem is that of motivation and instinct. What are the reasons why we want to directly engage other than it makes good business sense?  What in our gut informs the decision to engage and build relationships?  Do we understand and accept the responsibility of the care and feeding of these relationships?

I ask because if our only answers are that it's good for business, your customers and prospects can see right through it. In this post, I shared with you this mantra that we espouse here at 678 Partners:

"My interest is your best interest."

The trick with saying this, though, is that you have to mean it. And by meaning it, you have to walk the talk at all times.   It can't be half hearted, it can't be superficial and it can't be bare bones.  Here are some reasons why: 

• Opportunity Cost: Even if you're doing something halfway, it takes time, effort and energy away from other things that need your attention.  If you can't commit 100% to direct engagement, please don't bother.  Find other ways to surprise and delight your customers within your means and you'll go farther.
• Tacky Factor: If you want to be taken seriously, don't leave things on your site or Facebook page from 6 months ago.  It's the equivalent of putting plastic on your sofa in 2011.  We did it in the 70s but we don't do that today.
• Sincerity Matters: You have to wear your heart on the inside.  When you operate with your heart as your guide as opposed to your head or your HP financial calculator, people are instinctively drawn to you.  

Or course, there are a host of other reasons - and I'd like to hear yours.  Please comment below or send an email to continue the conversation.  If you've enjoyed this post, please also do share it with others.

Parissa Behnia

Idea Chef

678Partners@gmail.com
678Partners.com
LinkedIn
Twitter